A few nights ago I was praying and journaling and I asked Jesus why He is SO good to me. He said to me, so clearly and so sweetly, "I wish you would stop asking me that. It's because I LOVE you. So so so so much. Don't you get it?"
No. No, I don't.
I don't get it at all.
Jesus doesn't have to have a REASON to be good me and shower his grace and blessings over me. In fact, he has every reason NOT to. I go before him mangled and broken and filthy. He should turn his eyes away from me. I should look disgusting to him, sitting in the rags of my self-righteousness and disbelief. But, instead, he looks at me so sweetly and so tenderly and I find myself drowning in a sea of his affection for me.
Lately, my heart has EXPLODED with love for Jesus. Jesus as my groom, my lover. I found that I am so used to Jesus being my teacher, God being my creator, and the Spirit being my helper. I spend most of my days feeling like a child skipping along in the wake of Jesus. Never have I felt the depths of the delight and satisfaction Jesus feels for me as his bride. Every time I look at him, every time I choose him over the desires of my flesh, every time I act in obedience to His word, the heart of God is moved with love for me. Jesus wants to dance with me, looking me straight in the eyes, while I wear my pure and spotless dress.
I know that I don't deserve anything, nothing but death. But I think that it makes my Father sad for me to settle with that. We live in the power and shadow of His resurrection. We were the joy set before the cross and we satisfy our maker. So I don't think that he wants us to believe that we are nothing more that filthy rags. I think, and I'm learning, that Jesus wants us to realize that there really is no reason for why he loves us and why he is so good and so faithful to us, but he does and he is. He came to set us FREE from our slavery to sin. We washes us white like snow. He makes beauty out of our ashes. He did not rescue us from the very depths of darkness so that we would continually talk about our wretchedness. He came to dance with us, to set us free. His heart is UNDONE with our love for him. We have to accept that. We have know that it is as true that we are found spotless to him as it that we were ONCE lost and full of darkness. But when our maker looks at us, he is overwhelmed with love for us, not disappointment that we have failed over and over again.
It kind of comes full circle, doesn't it? We love because he first loved us. We love BECAUSE of his love. His love is our purpose. So we have to accept it. We have to feel it down to the very depths of our being and let it resonated and shake us to the core. We can only love Jesus with his help. So, we ask him for it. And he can't WAIT drop us like a seed into an ocean of his love and grace.
I feel so free. Because he LIVES I can face tomorrow. Because he lives, I can dance with Jesus.
Just because He lives.
