Chasing the Wild Goose

I named this blog "A Wild Goose Chase" because that is exactly what I feel like I'm doing as I chase after and pursue Jesus. Trying to follow Jesus is really confusing sometimes and nearly always difficult.

But that is why I must keep chasing after him.

Life is already confusing and difficult and stressful and exhausting, but the hard things that Jesus teaches me are infinitely different than the things the world drags me through. It is hard following Jesus because I have to deny myself what my self-centered, self-seeking, self-desiring flesh wants everyday. It is hard following Jesus because he leads me away from everything that I want. It is hard following Jesus because I never know if I am doing it right. It is hard following Jesus because it requires trusting him and not my plans. It is hard following Jesus because he wants me to do things and love people that I just don't want to do or love. It is really hard following Jesus.

But it isn't just hard.

It is full of life.
It is full of joy.
It is abiding in peace,
overflowing with grace.
Grace that is not dependent upon
my actions
or thoughts
or moods
or desires.
It does not matter how many times I screw up.
It doesn't matter if this sin I had yesterday
is the same sin I'm struggling with today.
His grace is sufficient.
He loves just because he is.

This past week Jesus has asked me to do one of the hardest things yet. He has asked me to stay at Greenville College next year instead of going back home, to the friends and family whom I deeply love and care for. He is drawing me into a life of humble irrelevancy. He is teaching me how to shift my focus from wanting to be cool and popular and beautiful and fun and quirky to learning to be humble, irrelevant, full of quiet peace, gently listening and seeking understanding. Basically, he wants to make me less like my flesh and more like him. He wants to teach me how to live completely dependent on him, not seeking comfort from my friends and family. Sounds just like him, huh? And it sure is hard.

Not seeking approval from the relevant, hip world--even the Christian world.... Yikes. What a battle. My friend Allie always describes followers of Jesus as Warrior Princesses. That describes my life much more than cowering surrender.

Yeah, following Jesus may be hard, but it is worth it. Knowing Jesus and being loved by him is worth all the hard and more. It is worth being lonely and scared and confused. It is worth failing, it is worth not understanding. It is even worth all those times that you cry and ask, "Why Jesus? Why is it so hard?" Yeah, his peace is over-whelming. Yes is grace is sufficient. Yes his love surpasses all understanding, but even more than that, you get Jesus. And he is enough. Jesus is enough. And He is worth it.